Follow your heart. The answer is already in you. You are doing everything right. Lean into yourself. Be.
Tonight, I want to stop fighting it, because everything I see is beautiful and pure, holy and free and so, so right. But I don't know what it means to stop fighting it. I don't know how to trust myself.
I want a tree. A thick, reaching, towering, ancient tree. A kind, soft, fragrant, whispering tree. A tree that will nurse me, shelter me, let me nest in her arms. I want to build a house in her, and hang a swing from her, and play with her like I've never been able to play before. I want her roots to be my roots. I want a tree that will never go anywhere as long as I live, never stop holding me as long as I live, never stop being my home as long as I live.And it's okay. I'm okay. I'm really really really really really okay. It may be unusual, and it may not be what everyone wants. But it's okay. Even if I want a tree more than anyone else has ever wanted a tree or does or ever will again, even if a tree means more to me than it means to a single other person on earth. Even if I devote all my life and everything I have to the tree. It's holy and good and okay. I know it is.
Maybe she's out there somewhere, my tree. If I never find her, grace of the Lord be with me, I will never stop looking for her.
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1 comment:
Love and hugs.
When I was a child we had a weeping willow tree in our front yard. That was a great tree for climbing, and hiding, for feeling sad and happy, and for making things with. I love willows, especially weeping ones.
I know you are talking about more than a tree :)
Sorry I haven't responded to the last email yet. I'll be travelling back to Canada in a few days, so I don't know when I will have a chance to reply, but I am thinking of you!
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