Holy Mother of All Coolness, I JUST GOT TO PLAY WITH A MONKEY!!!!!

So, I stop at Menard's to pick up a full-spectrum bulb for my office lamp. I'm standing in front of rack of batteries because I need one for my ... nevermind ... when I look up and I see one of these

sitting in a cart, drinking from a bottle, reaching his bitty gray hand toward me and chirping.

And I reached back, and he took my hand and started talking to me. And his owners let me play with him for like, five solid minutes. With their monkey. I just had a five-minute-long conversation with a monkey. He fiddled with my fingers and kissed my hand, hugged my arm and tickled me with his tail.

A monkey. A monkey at Menards on a Wednesday night in Warsaw, Indiana.

Holy Mother of All Coolness.